


Heaven Help Us

by Motionlesincats



Category: Fall Out Boy, Mindless Self Indulgence, My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 20:48:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4891753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Motionlesincats/pseuds/Motionlesincats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gerard was okay. At least that's what he would say whenever Mikey would ask, as he tried to push away the thoughts of the previous night and the bottles and the pills that came with it, and that's what he would say as Ray stared at him in the cafeteria, silently questioning Gerard's bloodshot eyes and the growing bags underneath them.</p><p>He was going to be okay. That's what he would tell himself as the nights passed by and the thoughts racing through his head stayed put. He was going to be okay, and if he said it enough then maybe it would be true, it had to be true.</p><p>~</p><p>Gerard's a mess. Frank's a mess. Everyone's gay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven Help Us

Gerard was okay. At least that's what he would say whenever Mikey would ask, as he tried to push away the thoughts of the previous night and the bottles and the pills that came with it, and that's what he would say as Ray stared at him in the cafeteria, silently questioning Gerard's bloodshot eyes and the growing bags underneath them.

 

He was going to be okay. That's what he would tell himself as the nights passed by and the thoughts racing through his head stayed put. He was going to be okay, and if he said it enough then maybe it would be true, it had to be true.

 

The 4am breakdowns would scorn and say the opposite though, and Gerard was losing faith in his hopeful mantra, and after repeating it for so long, the words seemed pointless and their meaning was fading and Gerard knew he couldn't stay inside his lonely fantasy, but he would try. Tonight wasn't having any of it though, and with every thought came a slap in the face to throw Gerard back into a reality where he was anything but okay.

 

And as he sat on the floor, staring into the dirty mirror shoved into the corner of his room, with Mikey's repeated question of " _Are you okay?_ " ringing through his head, Gerard didn't know what to do.

 

And as usual, several hours later, he still didn't know what to do but he knew he needed a smoke and honestly, Gerard didn't think it mattered where he was or what he was doing, he would still have to face up to his mess of a life soon, and whether he took a ten minute break to smoke or not, things couldn't get any worse.

 

He was wrong of course, and as Gerard's hand clasped around the empty cigarette pack, he felt as though someone had thrown a brick at him, and at this point, they could break all of his ribs and Gerard would probably thank them, for at least then he could lay in a hospital bed for a few weeks and not have to worry about work, which incidentally was where he was supposed to be.  

 

Cursing his alarm clock, and then himself when he realized he in fact was the reason it hadn't gone off because he had shoved it outside his door days ago and forgot about its new home. Technically it wasn't actually his fault if the clock he bought happened to be the quietest alarm ever, but there was no one to listen to his defence and it didn't matter anyway because his shift had started over an hour ago and Gerard couldn't remember the last time he had showered properly and if he kept pulling shit like this and not getting up early enough then it was going to be a while till he next could.

 

There was probably no point in turning up with only an hour left on his shift and no doubt there would be traffic or Gerard would miss the bus or his boss would've already called a replacement in because the world was clearly out for him and it was unfair because really, Gerard wasn't that much of an asshole as it was making him appear.

 

But thinking of assholes just brought Gerard’s mind back to the fact that today was Sunday and tomorrow was the first day back after summer break and he would have to drag himself to school and deal with the onslaught of stress and anxiety that came with it. He had at least four bits of coursework stacked up on his desk, calling to be completed but just like work, there was no point. It wasn’t even as though Gerard didn’t want to do it, because he _did_ , it was just that every time he picked up a pen to write that looming essay, or finish the sketch he had started weeks ago, the rational part of his brain would shut off, and Gerard would scrutinize and pick at what he had done until the lines blurred and the words were illegible.

 

He didn’t understand why this past year had gotten to him so bad though, his mind had always argued with the snide voices in his head, but this year, this year they were winning and Gerard was still trying to find a way to be in control for once. He didn’t even care if they were muted temporarily, or the volume just lowered a small amount, he needed a break and at this point his options were limited.

 

A loud thud followed by a barely muffled “ _fuck_ ” echoed through the house as Mikey made his way past Gerard’s room, barely trying to hide the fact that he was only just sneaking back in after spending the night God knows where for the fifth time this past week.  Mikey didn’t care anymore and Gerard wished that maybe he would just a little more, because Gerard was worried. Through the mumbling in his head, he could still see his younger brother was hurting and there was nothing he could do when Mikey continued to block him out, and somewhere along the line, Gerard knew that it was his fault, it always came back to him.

 

They were still close, but it wasn’t like it used to be, where the two of them would camp out in Gerard’s room and talk all night as if they were two friends having a sleepover. He wasn’t sure when things had changed but either Gerard had stopped asking the right questions, or Mikey just didn’t want to answer them anymore. Their conversations were about anything but themselves except the days when Gerard could barely function.

 

Tomorrow was inevitably going to be one of those days because Gerard had already established the world hated him, so of course the day he most needed to seem like he had his shit together, would go the opposite of his expectations. And honestly, he was trying to be optimistic about this year, because really it couldn’t get much worse than the one before, but it was hard, just like everything else, and Gerard was too tired to find the hidden positives of a new year.

 

The summer was supposed to be his time to think, and he had, just not about the right things, and now he was stuck all over again, and everything was so painfully like this time the year before.

**Author's Note:**

> HI guys, it's been a while. So this is me trying again with a new fic. I'm hoping this doesn't turn out like Folie, I'm more invested into this story and while I haven't got a definite ending in my head, I have a good idea about where I want to take this.  
> Comments are always appreciated and they do actually motivate me to write faster(/better?).


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